BC Gonzo Pix of the Week: Week 4

BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 4 aka “Weak of Brighthouse Blues”

This week, Gonzo’s Low Rent Radio Road Show took him to the cesspool of Orlando – otherwise known as the anal fissure of Flore-Duh. The radio callers are imbeciles - you could combine their collective college football IQ and sense of self-awareness and it still wouldn’t be higher than the average BMI of your typical central Florida citizen. Sage Advice for the local Cougar Beasts: cellulite is not a good look. The only good thing to come out of the Treacherous trip was hooking up with an inexperienced Delta stewardess in a flea-bag airport no-tell during a layover and ending our session with a jelly doughnut. But we’ll get into that later….  

 

  Offical Valtrex Spokesman

5 Star Platinum Pick

Tennessee +16 @ Florida: After getting prison-raped by the Swoosh Boyz last week, the pre-season adulation and premature ejaculation of Butch Jones (or Coach “BJ” as the rube fans call him) and the Hillbillies came to a screeching halt in Autzen. At least, this week, they’ll keep the score respectable, as the Gay-tor pop gun offense will struggle once again. Afterwards, rabid UF students celebrate a close victory by throwing urine balloon party in the dorm rooms.  

5 Star Picks

Virginia Tech -9.5 vs. Marshall: Frank Beamer and the Fightin Herpes look to get their mind right against the Thundering Turd. I look for this to happen as Beamer pops a pre-game Valtrex to stop the hideous break-out on his neck and the offense to get going finally. After this beating, Marshall will resemble a train wreck… or a plane crash…or a Matthew McConaughey flick…   

Michigan St +6 @ Notre Dame: Despite persistent rumors, there’s no truth to the rumor that Notre Dame has more virgins per capita than any major university. Especially, when you add pederast priests to the mix…. This week, the 2013 Irish look to finally bust their cherry against a team with a pulse, but my Spidey Sense tells me M$U will give the Irish quite the tussle. Or is that David Berkowitz’ dog talking to me again…

4 Star Picks

Boise St +4 @ Fresno St: The city of Fresno is an unfortunate combination of Jesus Freaks, inbreeding, dirty politicians turned farmers, and a weird commune for former bestiality addicts. Football might be the tie that binds this horrific mix of toxic waste, but they‘ll be disappointed once again on Saturday after yet another Buckin’ Bronco beat down.

UNC +6 @ Ga Tech: Saturday - It’s the Place to Be: Midtown Atlanta! Freeks at Muzak Midtown and Geeks at Bobby Dodd Stadium. I’m not sure what will be scarcer – 1) the integrity level of UNC academics; 2) non-Asian co-eds in the GT student section; or 3) the talent level oozing off the Yeah Yeah Yeahs stage. In any case, look for the Hatless Fedoras to possibly pull off the upset.

3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)
Wake Forest -2.5 @ Army: Is it just me, or do all starting Deacon QBs have the whitest names on the planet? Tanner Price, Riley Skinner, Corey Randolph? Sounds like a pledge class at a racist Alabama old row frat. Even cracker frat boys could beat Army these days. Deacs roll over the Kilbot Factor on the banks of the Hudson.

Air Force +5 vs. Wyoming: Speaking of military schools (we’re not talking about you Texas A&M. You’re fake) that should drop football, the Luftwaffe is sucking the hind tit these days. And speaking of white boys, wasn’t their former coach that said they had too many? Anyhaught, the Fly Boyz might be getting one of their last victories of the year over the shit brown clad Pokes from Laramie.

Southern Cal -6.5 vs. Utah St: Lois Lane got a stay of execution from Governor Haden last week and looks to prolong the inevitable shit-canning this weekend against the limp-wristed Ags. Afterwards, Kiffin continues his bizarre victory celebration tradition of downing 6 Irish coffees mixed with his wife’s breast milk.  

OK For Now,
BC Gonzo