Monday, July 24, 2017
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Monday, December 21, 2015
The Fixer's Bowl Confidence Picks
This Bowl Confidence is based on the spreads, not straight up...
| NAT CHAMPIONSHIP | ALABAMA | -6 | 41 |
| BIRMINGHAM | MEMPHIS | +2.5 | 40 |
| HAWAII | SAN DIEGO ST | +1.5 | 39 |
| NEW ORLEANS | LOUISIANA TECH | -2 | 38 |
| RUSSELL ATHLETIC | NORTH CAROLINA | +3 | 37 |
| OUTBACK | NORTHWESTERN | +8.5 | 36 |
| GODADDY | BOWLING GREEN | -7 | 35 |
| CURE | SAN JOSE ST | -3 | 34 |
| ALAMO | OREGON | E | 33 |
| NEW MEXICO | NEW MEXICO | +10 | 32 |
| COTTON | MICHIGAN ST | +9.5 | 31 |
| BAHAMAS | WESTERN MICHIGAN | -3 | 30 |
| POINSETTIA | NORTHERN ILLINOIS | +8 | 29 |
| CACTUS | WEST VIRGINIA | +1 | 28 |
| PEACH | HOUSTON | +7 | 27 |
| IDAHO POTATO | AKRON | +6.5 | 26 |
| ARMED FORCES | AIR FORCE | +7 | 25 |
| ST PETE | MARSHALL | -4.5 | 24 |
| SUN | MIAMI FL | +2.5 | 23 |
| ROSE | IOWA | +6.5 | 22 |
| PINSTRIPE | DUKE | +2 | 21 |
| CITRUS | FLORIDA | +4 | 20 |
| QUICK LANE | CENTRAL MICH | +5.5 | 19 |
| LIBERTY | KANSAS ST | +11.5 | 18 |
| TEXAS | LSU | -7 | 17 |
| ORANGE | CLEMSON | +3.5 | 16 |
| CAMELLIA | OHIO U | +8 | 15 |
| FIESTA | OHIO ST | -6.5 | 14 |
| BOCA RATON | TOLEDO | +2 | 13 |
| LAS VEGAS | UTAH | -2.5 | 12 |
| ARIZONA | COLORADO ST | -3 | 11 |
| BELK | NC STATE | +5.5 | 10 |
| MILITARY | PITTSBURGH | +4 | 9 |
| MIAMI BEACH | WESTERN KENTUCKY | -3 | 8 |
| HOLIDAY | WISCONSIN | +3 | 7 |
| FOSTER FARMS | UCLA | -6.5 | 6 |
| SUGAR | OKLAHOMA ST | +7 | 5 |
| GATOR | GEORGIA | -6.5 | 4 |
| INDEPENDENCE | TULSA | +13.5 | 3 |
| HEART OF DALLAS | SOUTHERN MISS | +8.5 | 2 |
| MUSIC CITY | LOUISVILLE | +2.5 | 1 |
Monday, December 7, 2015
Coming Next Week...
The BC Gonzo & The Fixer's Bowl Game Extravaganza!
Picks, games, prizes, rides, insults, you'll get it all...
Look for the picks on December 21st...
Friday, December 4, 2015
The Fixer's WEEK 14 Rolling Out The Winners!
WEEK 14
So there’s 15 games this week, so what the hell, let’s pick ‘em
ALL! And just for you, because I like you, I’ll list them in order that I like
them, best to marginal… Happy Conference Championship(and the rest of the bullshit) Week!
NORTHERN ILLINOIS +13 @ Bowling Green- Methinks yet another school
is hiding in the head coach’s bathroom on the Falcons’ campus. They flushed out
Oscar Meyer using blackmail pics of him naked with a bowl of Jello… For the
record, he claimed that he was “hot & hungry”…
NEW MEXICO ST +1 @ La Monroe- So the Aggies have a wild west
gunman as their mascot, despite being a cow college. And the WarHawks used to
have an Indian as a mascot despite being in East Texas wasteland. So in some
bizarre fucked up way, they should be rather hostile towards each other.
BAYLOR -20 vs Texas- These schools are separated by 102 miles as
well as 102 years of evolution.
FLORIDA +18 vs Alabama- Usually, when Bama fans(not Bama GRADS)
shoot their mouths off with overconfidence, as they have been doing all goddamn
week, the football spirits(I used to say “gods” but got death threats from all
the monotheists) reign down upon them a couple of unusual happenings in a game
like this…
SAN DIEGO ST -6½ vs Air Force- Pretty soon, the Aztecs will be the
only game in town as the Bolts bolt for greener pastures. Actually, I need to correct
myself, there are no green pastures in Cali anymore because they used up all
their water making golf courses in Palm Desert acceptable to 90yr old coots…
MICHIGAN ST -3½ vs Iowa- So no one gave the Hawkeyes a chance all
year, and they won. Now that people are actually giving them a chance this
week, they’ll lose. It’s a vicious but accurate cycle of this school…
WEST VIRGINIA -5½ @ Kansas St- Since they started selling beer at
Mountaineer games, fights and bad behavior inside their stadium has DECREASED
by 40%. But this game is in Manhattan. And the people making decisions in
Kansas could fuck up your cup of coffee if given the chance…
WESTERN KENTUCKY -7½ vs Southern Miss- His name is Jeff Hammond…
His name is Jeff Hammond… His name is Jeff Hammond… This idiot hired Ellis
Johnson & Donny Tyndall… And in a semi-related story, he is now the house
boy for USM’s president, polishing is nob and driving him to The Huddle House…
NORTH CAROLINA +5 vs Clemson- In Thomas Green Clemson’s last will
& testament, he wished that the agricultural school he founded would be run
& managed just like the farming school of Mississippi. After a round of
laughs and water spitting, they agreed to run the school properly…
ARKANSAS ST -25 vs Texas St- That Four Letter Sports Network
thought that if they actually put this game on one of their channels, that they’d
lose another 7 million viewers, so you’ll need a wire to the Interweb in order
to see this pillow fight…
HOUSTON -5 vs Temple- The creole sausage poboy at Frenchy’s
Chicken across the street from TDECU Stadium is worth the Frogger-like crossing
of Wheeler Ave to get it…
SOUTHERN CAL +5 vs Stanford- I’ll save you the trouble of watching
this game: “Blah blah David Shaw is a great coach… Blah blah they’re playing
the Super Bowl on this shitty field in 2 months… Blah Blah is the Trojan’s new
coach underrated… Blah Blah Blah Blah…”
LOUISIANA LAFAYETTE -2 vs Troy- Multiple choice question for the
junkies out there: The phans of Troy & the Rajun Cajuns most resemble the
members of which band? A)Mumford & Sons B)Slipknot C)Nickelback D)If you
know what any of these bands look like, you are a fuckstick & deserve
eternal ridicule…
APPALACHIAN ST -18 @ South Alabama- “Thanks” to the Sun Belt
Conference for not putting these games on television earlier in the week. And “Screw
You” to the Sun Belt Conference for putting these games in front of me on
Saturday…
GEORGIA ST +21 @ Georgia Southern- If the Panther’s charter buses
survive the fucked up trip down I-16 to Statesboro, I will personally donate $5
to their renovation project of Turner Field… The blown out tires strewn along
that road has recently been voted as the new official State Flower of Georgia…
Selah...
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
BC Gonzo Pix of the Week: Lucky Week 13
BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Lucky Week 13 aka “Weak of
Valtrex”
A
part of me dies this week. After 12
years of non-stop, moronic, juvenile cracks about Frank Beamer’s Neck Herpes,
his tenure in the Gonzo Pix of the Week comes to a festering end this
week. I always thought that was the gift
that keeps giving, but alas, all glory is fleeting. But I do Give Thanks for
those wonderful years, and I will give Frank and the Hokies the Honorary Platinum
Pick this week to send him off….
Fornit
Some Fornus!
Sloth and Coach Beamer - separated at birth?
5 Star Platinum Pick:
Va Tech -3.5 @ Virginia: It should be noted that my
continuous, snarky bits about the ghastly herpes scar on Beamer’s Ass-Neck
earned a young Gonzo his first death threats from irate Gobbler fans. Alabama fans - who were none too amused with
my tired references to Brian-Dennehy Stadium - soon followed…. In any case, some things are inevitable –
such as herpes outbreaks at the most inopportune times and the annual crushing
of the Cavaliers. VPI romps in Rape Country….
5 Star Picks:
Ohio $t +1 @ Michigan: The idiots in the media refer
to the upcoming battles between these 2 nut job coaches as the Next Ten Year
War. Some sportsbooks are already taking future bets on the series. However,
when I open my off-shore sports book in Costa Rica, I’m going to set an
over/under on the number of years one these 2 loonies will check himself into a
Nervous Hospital. We’ll say 3.5, so who you got?
Boise St -7.5 @ San Jose St: The Buckin’ Broncos
enjoyed their 15 minutes, but now that Chris Peterson has taken his wacky,
Scientology beliefs to Coffee Land, Boise will now revert back to being known
for rotten potatoes and Ralph Wiggum. By
the way, what did the hooker say to the potato? “Idaho!” Boise makes quick work of the Sparties.
4 Star Picks:
Florida $t -2 @ Florida: Jimbo Fischer and Jim
McElwain are the results of too much inbreeding in the Saban Coaching
Tree. Either that or Papa Nick dropped
both of these goons repeatedly on their heads in their early coaching daze. This week, the window-licking rube from
Tallahassee gets the upper hand. Wayne
Peace must be rollin’ over in his grave…
Mi$$i$$ippi -1 @ M$U: Speaking of despicable hayseed
coaches, Hugh Freeze (aka, “The Human Rake”) might not have pedigree, but he
still has loads of cash from steering Michael Oher to the Black Bears during his
high school coaching daze. I’m not
saying his buck teeth are bad, but he could eat corn on the cob through a chain
link fence…
3 Star Picks (shits and
giggles picks):
Duke -4 vs. Wake Forest: The Skoal Bowl in
dreary Winston-Salem will host a sparse crowd that would frankly be more
interested in watching a “Legends” one-on-one match-up between a morbidly obese
Rodney Rogers versus a coked-up J.J. Redick.
Duke rolls but does it really matter?
Northwestern -3.5 vs. Illinois: The annual battle for the
Land of Lincoln moves from Champagne Supernova to Soldier Field this year. I’ll call for the Mildkats to take back the rivalry
trophy, which – oddly enough – is a replica of the cane used in “Citizen Kane”. Very bizarre…
Ok
For Now…..
BC
Gonzo
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