BC “Ghostly” Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 9 aka
“Weak of a No Rotten All Hallow’s Eve”
In
my time-honored annual tradition of paying homage to the Greatest Holiday of
Them All, I give you a creepy Halloween version of the weekly picks. This year, you’ll get bits from some of Gonzo's
Top Horror Flicks of All Time. Ok, you rotten bastards - enjoy this week’s
winners, which include killer clowns, treacherous caretakers, mutant inbred
desert folk, and washed up pirates….
Fornit
Some Fornus!
Words of Wisdom, Lloyd. Words of Wisdom!
5 Star Platinum Pick:
Oklahoma St -2.5 @ Texas Tech: In The Hills Have Eyes, a
nice suburban family is tortured by psychotic inbreeds who live in the desert
of the American Southwest. I actually
saw these tortilla-tossing loonies when I went to the Cotton Bowl in 2006, and
they’re called Red Raider fans. Poke supporters better hope their pick-up trucks don’t
break down after their win in Lubbock.
5 Star Picks:
Navy -7 vs. S. Florida: The only scary things
about The Blair Witch Project were the acting, the camera work, and
horrible 1990’s lingo (“Heather, dude, you like totally lost the goddamn map. So
not cool”). What was also frightening
was my temper after paying to see that travesty in the theatre. The Bulls might
not get lost in the Maryland woods, but they will get washed away by the Fighting
Semen.
Georgia +2 vs. Flore-duh: In The Sixth Sense, the little brat
informs Bruce Willis that “I see dead people”.
In the unreleased sequel, the terrified boy visits the World’s Largest
Cocktail Party in Jacksonville and announces “I see fat people”. He also hears drunken white trash barking
like dogs after the UGA upset.
4 Star Picks:
Ball St -1 vs. UMass: a Tech: The most memorable
scene in The Exorcist is a queasy Linda Blair projectile vomiting on an
unsuspecting priest. That’s actually happened to me twice: once when I dined at
Red Lobster and the other time was when I was forced to watch a battle for last
place in the MAC. I can assure you that’ll
never happen again. Well, except for Endless Shrimp week… I’m not made of stone
you know. Fighting Testicles win in a rout.
Penn St -5 vs. Illinois: The Shining is only the greatest
movie of all time, and in one of the most famous scenes, little Danny makes the
ill-fated decision to go in Room 237, where he is viciously attacked by a
ghost. To his credit, his only other
option was jumping in the shower with Jerry Sandusky. Anyway, I see Perv Sate blowing this open in
the 2nd half. “Mr. Sandusky,
you were
the caretaker here..”
3 Star Picks (shits and
giggles picks):
Florida $t -17 vs. Syracuse: Southern Cal: I’ve been terrified
of clowns ever since I watched the opening scene of It, when Pennywise the
Clown rips the arm off of a little boy. That
is why precisely why I can never watch Jimbo Fischer the Clown talk in a press
conference. His Noles might not be
homicidal, but they put on a Clown Show for the Ages last week against Tech.
This week, they curb stomp the porous Orange.
Cal +6 vs. Southern Cal: Johnny Depp’s first major role was in A
Nightmare on Elm Street. The only thing more frightening than the
original movie was how quickly his career has spiraled downward since
2005. Kind of like the Southern Cal
program, eh? Rodney Peete must be rollin’
over in his grave….
Ok
For Now…..
BC
Gonzo
