WEEK FIVE
TCU -14 vs
Texas- Back on 11/20/12, one of those low-rent sports sites that specializes in
Slide Shows masquerading as reputable “journalism”, actually published a story on
how the Longhorns “Would absolutely own this ‘new’ rivalry”… This “new” rivalry
has been played 85 times, hmmmmm??? Since that attempt at legitimate writing
was exposed to the world(like the virus that entire organization is), the Horny
Toads have won 2 of 3 and that “writer” is now selling shoes at the Payless in
Round Rock…
NOTRE DAME +1½
@ Clemson- Until anyone wearing orange
in South Carolina steps up and wins an important fucking game for the Piedmont
people, I will continue to give them the level of respect that a 500 lb mouth
breather deserves for not being told to purchase two seats on the plane I have
to sit by…
MEMPHIS -8½ @
Florida Directional School #163- I have NO IDEA why this spread isn’t 30…
EAST CAROLINA
-5½ @ The Christ Punchers- The ‘Stangs are now #1 in number of times they’ve
lied cheated & stolen while trying to play college athletics, and they
still suck! Last week was a loss to a dead president school from Virginia, and
this week will be a Hong Kong Stomp courtesy of a North Carolina Directional
School… Craig James must be rolling over in his grave. I’d ask him but he’s
blocked me on Twitter since asking him if Rick Perry used Astroglide when they
talked about policy…
NORTHERN
ILLINOIS -3 @ Middle Michigan- Some shithead on XM College Sports Radio
referenced NIU’s 2003 victory over Alabama as still having significance in
their current program’s success… So beating a Mike Shula-coached team 12yrs ago
is still reaping benefits today??? Who puts these troglodytes on the air???
MARSHALL -19
vs Old Dominion- Citizens of Portsmouth & Newport News were disappointed to
learn that this weekend’s Joaquin Phoenix Film Festival has been postponed due
to Hurricane Joaquin… But the Leif Phoenix Film Festival is still happening… He
was in Space Camp!!!
MINNESOTA +3½
@ Northwestern- Typical Big10+4 garbage teams playing down to their competition,
but in this case I don’t know which team is the shittier one…They moved the
start time of this game up 30 minutes to accommodate for another shitty
conference game being moved earlier to avoid some death storm named for an
actor who had a brother who died of a heroin overdose while hanging out with
another actor who almost had his dogs put down recently bc his bitch-whore wife
smuggled them into another country while he was filming the 37th
sequel to a boring-ass pirate franchise based on a fucking ride at some rundown
amusement park created by some nazi-loving creep who was played by an actor in
another movie who used to dress in drag on a TV show in the ‘80s…
ARIZONA +14 @
Stanford- “Bear Down” turned into a “Beat Down” last week, much to my dismay...
OHIO U -2 @
Akron- I had to play QB my senior year after having been a WR my entire HS
career up until then. So how did I prepare to be the ultimate tackling dummy on
Friday nights in Alabama??? By going to Terry Bowden’s QB camp at Samford
University… I rode home in a lot of ambulances that season…
NEW MEXICO
-13 vs New Mexico St- The Rio Grande Rivalry pits family versus family, cow
versus cow, lizard vs lizard, and methhead versus the other methhead who have
no idea what the hell I’m talking about…
BONUS PICK(S):
Take every
Under of every game being played in Florida, Georgia, Virginia, North Carolina,
South Carolina & Maryland…
Selah...
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