BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Lucky Week 13 aka “Weak of
Valtrex”
A
part of me dies this week. After 12
years of non-stop, moronic, juvenile cracks about Frank Beamer’s Neck Herpes,
his tenure in the Gonzo Pix of the Week comes to a festering end this
week. I always thought that was the gift
that keeps giving, but alas, all glory is fleeting. But I do Give Thanks for
those wonderful years, and I will give Frank and the Hokies the Honorary Platinum
Pick this week to send him off….
Fornit
Some Fornus!
Sloth and Coach Beamer - separated at birth?
5 Star Platinum Pick:
Va Tech -3.5 @ Virginia: It should be noted that my
continuous, snarky bits about the ghastly herpes scar on Beamer’s Ass-Neck
earned a young Gonzo his first death threats from irate Gobbler fans. Alabama fans - who were none too amused with
my tired references to Brian-Dennehy Stadium - soon followed…. In any case, some things are inevitable –
such as herpes outbreaks at the most inopportune times and the annual crushing
of the Cavaliers. VPI romps in Rape Country….
5 Star Picks:
Ohio $t +1 @ Michigan: The idiots in the media refer
to the upcoming battles between these 2 nut job coaches as the Next Ten Year
War. Some sportsbooks are already taking future bets on the series. However,
when I open my off-shore sports book in Costa Rica, I’m going to set an
over/under on the number of years one these 2 loonies will check himself into a
Nervous Hospital. We’ll say 3.5, so who you got?
Boise St -7.5 @ San Jose St: The Buckin’ Broncos
enjoyed their 15 minutes, but now that Chris Peterson has taken his wacky,
Scientology beliefs to Coffee Land, Boise will now revert back to being known
for rotten potatoes and Ralph Wiggum. By
the way, what did the hooker say to the potato? “Idaho!” Boise makes quick work of the Sparties.
4 Star Picks:
Florida $t -2 @ Florida: Jimbo Fischer and Jim
McElwain are the results of too much inbreeding in the Saban Coaching
Tree. Either that or Papa Nick dropped
both of these goons repeatedly on their heads in their early coaching daze. This week, the window-licking rube from
Tallahassee gets the upper hand. Wayne
Peace must be rollin’ over in his grave…
Mi$$i$$ippi -1 @ M$U: Speaking of despicable hayseed
coaches, Hugh Freeze (aka, “The Human Rake”) might not have pedigree, but he
still has loads of cash from steering Michael Oher to the Black Bears during his
high school coaching daze. I’m not
saying his buck teeth are bad, but he could eat corn on the cob through a chain
link fence…
3 Star Picks (shits and
giggles picks):
Duke -4 vs. Wake Forest: The Skoal Bowl in
dreary Winston-Salem will host a sparse crowd that would frankly be more
interested in watching a “Legends” one-on-one match-up between a morbidly obese
Rodney Rogers versus a coked-up J.J. Redick.
Duke rolls but does it really matter?
Northwestern -3.5 vs. Illinois: The annual battle for the
Land of Lincoln moves from Champagne Supernova to Soldier Field this year. I’ll call for the Mildkats to take back the rivalry
trophy, which – oddly enough – is a replica of the cane used in “Citizen Kane”. Very bizarre…
Ok
For Now…..
BC
Gonzo
