The Atlanta Fixer's WEEK TEN Picks

WEEK TEN

The nip is in the air, and I think you all know what that means… IT’S HUNTIN’ SEASON!!! That’s right! Time for all the numb nuts to abandon their wives & kids to sit in a cold cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere and drink homemade liquor and pretend they know how to outwit an animal… Yes, there are some genuine hunters out there; those who do it for food and for modest prize money sponsored by the local Rotary Club. But the vast majority of poser hunters out there think they are some macho badass banker fuckstick during the week, then try to carry that false sense of success out in the woods. And nothing better portrays a loser as a person & as a hunter by having to use some machine gun or automatic military rifle to kill a goddamn squirrel or Bambi or Tom the Turkey. Face it, if you can’t use a shotgun to hunt, you’re a lousy fucking hunter and thusly, a lousy human being… You can have all the NRA stickers on your truck(you live in a city and work in a skyscraper but you drive a pick'em up truck???) and even dabble in Skoal Bandits now & again, but those of us who are comfortable with ourselves and not insecure pricks, know all you former frat boys are a bunch of worms…
Learn how to fish, assholes!!!

Georgia Tech -10½  vs Pitt- The Yellow Jacket program is like that asshole from the company that your local newspaper contracts out who calls you 100 times and never leaves a message, then when your subscription actually runs out, you can’t get anyone on the goddamn phone. I guess the real question here is why I still subscribe to the newspaper. Truth is, I like doing the Sudoku… Is it worth $5/ week, you betcha!

 

UTAH St -23 vs Hawaii- It must get old fast spending hours upon hours on a plane almost every week leaving Honolulu and ending up in the bowels of Laramie, Fresno, Logan & Boise.  And on top of that, your team is horrid and undisciplined. Save some cash, forfeit the away games and just sit back and hope the other teams get distracted by  the pineapples and Jim Nabors when they arrive on the island…

 

Mizzou -11½ vs Tennessee- Can a VERY inexperienced QB win in Columbia??? Methinks this could be a long day for the dirty construction barrels disguised as UT phans.

 

San Diego St -14 vs New Mexico- I know my college football, but even I had a brain fart when it came to remembering who the hell is the head coach of Los Lobos. Some washed up douchebag who was shitcanned from Notre Dame??? Weis is fucking up in Lawrence, Super Tyrone is teaching Driver’s Ed at Rydell High, and Gerry Faust is dead, or at least his career is… And since they aren’t on probation, we know it’s not Holtz…

 

Okkie St +2 @ Tejas Tech- This is the best the Big 12-2 Conference has to offer??? They should go play this game in Tokyo like they did in 1988. Too many reasons to name as to why… They could generate a much bigger crowd, but mainly bc each school’s fans are still obsessed with the Styx album “Kilroy Was Here”… The problem’s plain to see, too much technology… Machines to save our lives, machines dehumanize…

 

Illinois Directional School #163 -24 vs umASS- Did you see the god-awful helmets the Minutemen are wearing this weekend??? Just when you think all the pseudo-patriotism bullshit couldn’t possibly get any more gawdy & meaningless, UNC, I’m speaking in your general direction, this shit happens. Maybe they should have a Hitler look-a-like contest and burn some flags while they’re at it…

 

Kentucky Directional School #216 -19 @ Georgia St- This will be the first time Bobby Petrino has been back in the Ga Dome in a few years, I hope the nice hospitable folks in & around the Dome make him feel comfortable and don’t hold any grudges. But since they’re playing Ga State, he’ll have free range since no one goes to then games and no high-respectin’ local yokel will be charging $80 to park in their yard…

 

Central Tennessee Tech -3  @ Birmingham City- There’s that scene in Swamp Thing where the guy is slowly navigating his boat through the bogs & marshlands and avoiding the stumps and the alligators slither off the banks and dive deep into the murky waters. You can hear the crickets, the loons, and the rustling of the bushes along the shoreline. You know something’s about to happen but you don’t know what or when… Then… SHIT!!! Another fucking commercial, so you change the channel to something else, then 30 minutes later, you forget you were watching Swamp Thing, so you change it back and it’s over… When the hell is that gonna come on again!!??!!

 

Selah...