Week 11 aka “Weak of Worker and Parasite”
Listed below are some actual tweets sent to me last Saturday night from followers of the low rent blog site: warblogle.com (Warblogle?? How imaginative – I have more taste in my penis) after I simply tweeted the straightforward question: “So you idiots roll metal poles now? Christ…”
- they're actually steel and cables. So no, we don't roll "metal poles". Nice try!
- ur the idiot! Did ur uncle Updyke tell u to tweet that or are u his bastard child?
- If not for your uncle Harvey, wouldn't be necessary.
- hey idiot, what college did you attend??
- Yes we do. Three bammers have been arrested trying to kill them
- Please, tell me what you idiots do. Other than cheat on your wife
- Yes we do. Not quite as much fun as the trees, but hey, beats wearing it with a box of tide!!
- They are wires, in addition to the trees, but thanks for playing
So there you go. They certainly showed me. Unbeknownst to me, I have an uncle named Harvey and I am apparently a Bama fan. There were more doozies like that but that sample gives you an idea of the average intellectual capacity of most Awbern fans – which is about the same as that of the urine monkey….
Yes. Auburn fans roll poles these days.....
5 Star Platinum Pick
Tennessee +7.5 vs. Awbern: When I was in college, to make a little extra bread for uh…book money, I developed and sold a T-shirt that simply read: In the fall, all pricks turn Orange. It sold quite well until the campus Thought Police gave me a cease and desist. Although my memories are a bit non-existent from those daze, I’m pretty certain I was referring to the empty-headed hicks from these 2 institutions. Anyway – look for the Vols to possibly pull off the upset in Kneelin’ Stadium.
5 Star Picks
5 Star Platinum Pick
Tennessee +7.5 vs. Awbern: When I was in college, to make a little extra bread for uh…book money, I developed and sold a T-shirt that simply read: In the fall, all pricks turn Orange. It sold quite well until the campus Thought Police gave me a cease and desist. Although my memories are a bit non-existent from those daze, I’m pretty certain I was referring to the empty-headed hicks from these 2 institutions. Anyway – look for the Vols to possibly pull off the upset in Kneelin’ Stadium.
5 Star Picks
MTSU -18 vs. FIU: My friend Meena, a proud Middle Tennessee student, tells me that the disturbing trend of butt-chugging actually started at this dirty, little commuter campus in Murfreesboro. Well.. I suppose they have that to be hang their hat on as well being the only college in Tennessee with a Bowling Industry Management and Technology major. I always tell her she should transfer. We’ll call for the Blew Raiders to win by 3 TDs against the reeling Panzers.
L$Who??? +12.5 vs. Alabama: Little known fact about Zach Mettenberger – long before he was molesting girls at UGA, as a juvenile he was actually charged with the misdemeanor crime of Mopery – defined as "exposing one’s self to a blind person". But he’s cleaned up his act, as well as his meth acne scars, and I look for the Bengals to give Bama a hell of a tussle at Brian Dennehy Stadium.
4 Star Picks
San Jose St -6.5 vs. San Diego St: If any of you drunken louts can manage to figure out that fancy remote control for the last game of the night, tune in for this locksy. For whatever reason, the 2 most famous athletes in SDSU history – Tony Gwynn and Marshall Faulk, are referred to in inner circles as the Ambiguously Gay Duo, but too bad they can’t suit up Saturday. I see David Fales and Co. breaking bad in the second half against the Ass-Tecs.
Notre Dame -4.5 @ Pitt: This game Pitts (Christ…) insufferable fans unjustifiably proud of their college team (“We’re proud to not recruit like Bama because we are too goddamn ELITE”) and blue-collar city (“Duh – we are fuckin’ hard workin’ folk, yitz"). Fortunately, this is the same time as Bama/LSU game, so no one will witness this abortion. Still – armPitt continues their ineptness against the Irish virgins.
3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)
Fresno -9 @ Wyoming: The Grape Chugging Bulldogs are looking to slime their way into a BCS bowl (how could one not be excited about a fucking Fresno vs. Boone Pickens State Fiesta Bowl??), and they will run up the points-a-plenty against UW. The state of Wyoming is famous for 2 things: 1. the Cowboys’ shit brown uniforms; and 2. It’s where they filmed that movie about the Homer-Sexual cowboys….
WKU -5.5 @ Army: The government might refer to them as “the Army”, but a more alarmist name might be “The Kilbot Factory”. Much like the actual U.S. Armed Forces, who have gotten whipped in the last 4 wars, their football brethren are even more clown-tastic. Petrino and Co. score early and often on the banks of the Hudson. Stanley McChrystal must be rollin’ over in his grave…
OK For Now…
BC Gonzo
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