WEEK TWO
MIZZOU -11 @
Arkansas St- This is some tough love being given to his players by local
swervedriver Gary Pinkel. You wanna drive drunk like him or slap around a coed(not
like him)? Then you’ll end up having to leave Columbia and, if yer lucky, play
in Jonesboro, the bowels of not only college football, but the nation… All you
need to know: Ron White has a weekly standup show there...
MARSHALL -3
@ Ohio U- I can hear the announcer now: “Only 80 miles separates these two
schools…” Blah blah blah…
SOUTH
CAROLINA -7 vs Kentucky- UK phans are fired up about football, just like I’m
fired up about the Small Wonder marathon on TV Land this weekend… But I’m sure
they’re not parked in front of their TVs in their underwear with a big bag of
Cheetos…
ARIZONA -11½
@ Nevada- The last time I was in Reno, myself & my compadres were “asked”
to leave a blackjack table after it was discovered that I was counting cards…
at another table… and they were Uno cards that a 4yr old was tossing around…
and how did that kid get into the casino? It was a midget…
OREGON ST
+16½ @ Michigan- We played a drinking game during Utah’s game last week. Every time
they spoke of or showed UM’s overrated/overhyped/overcovered/over-jacked-off-to
coach, you had to drink. So I’ve spent the week attending friends’ funerals…
FRESNO ST
+29½ @ Mississippi- Methinks that buck-toothed rube of a coach the Rebs have
won’t show much on the field with a trip to Ala-Fucking-Bama looming next week.
I swear if one more person mentions that goddamn Sandra Bullock excuse for a
movie I will go on a tilling spree. No typo, I’d grab Freeze & use his
rake-like mouth to cultivate some crops…
OKLAHOMA -1
@ Tennessee- I called this one a year ago: The Vols will get Hong Kong Stomped
in Normal, then about June of 2015, a gradual sucking of UT’s collective dicks
would begin, and THIS game would be their “We’re Back” Moment… Here’s something
you can write on that rock on campus: “The Fixer Says You Suck & You Just
Backed It Up!”
NORTH TEXAS
+5 @ SMU- Another year, another spread offensive coordinator man-child gets
thrown to the lions. Good thing there aren’t any fuckstick hunters from
Minnesota around. The ‘Stangs are far from competitive while Coach Cousin Eddie
McCarney keeps Gerald Ford Stadium’s shitters full…
NEW MEXICO
-3½ vs Tulsa- Is Bob Davie the only goddamn former Irish coach they AREN’T
paying NOT to coach their team anymore?
KANSAS +13½
vs Memphis- The perfect storm: Kansas loses to a 1AA team, gets their mascot
shamed by their rival, and is a double digit underdog at home vs a team all the
internet buffoon writers are touting.
Selah…
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