BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 2 aka “Weak of Ass
Games”
Over
the years, I’ve made a habit a whipping Vegas in Week 1, and last’s week’s 6-1
ATS mark was business as usual. Now if I could just whip that Gasoline-sniffing
problem... But we’ll get into that later… Outside of the Ducks and M$U, this
Saturday gives a weak crop of games at best (don’t try to convince me Smug
Stoops vs. Cliché-riddled Butch Jones is marquee),
but there’s winners hidden in the usual Week 2 lineup of Ass Games. I do hope you enjoy your winnings, but don’t
blow it all at an Asian Massage Parlor.
Let’s Get Down to Business…
Arkansas: It's a Natural State...
5 Star Platinum Pick
S. Carolina – 7.5 vs. Kentucky: Sadly, the Ole Ball Sack longingly
yearns for the daze when he was throwing his bourbon/spooge stained visor at a
coked-up Stephen Garcia. Now, he settles for an endless supply of QBs named “Connor”
every year. At least he can still get his
kicks in against SEC (L)East opponents before the whole shithouse goes up in
flames.
5 Star Picks
Iowa -3.5 @ Iowa St: In Field of Dreams, the
creepy racist ghost asked if Iowa was "heaven".
No, but it is akin to smoking turds in purgatory. Still, the corn-fed folks in this sleepy
state wait year round for this pillow fight (aka, White Boy Day). This year,
Captain Kirk justifies his undeserved salary by kicking the Tornadoes in the
nuts. Seneca Wallace must be rollin’
over in his grave…
Arkansas -21 vs. Toledo: Bert Bielema has been a Natural (un)Fit
in the Natural State. To wit – he has 4 chins; he has a wife of very loose
morals; and when he speaks, he sounds like he has a mouth full of marbles. Nonetheless, he has the Pig faithful ecstatic
with 2 SEC wins in 2 years and will continue his moderate success with a romp
over the Pocket Rockets. “Looks like we got us a Sow”…
4 Star Picks
Fresno St +30 Ole Piss: Hugh “Mr.” Freeze (aka, The
Human Rake) and his hired mercenaries have racist Reb phans as pumped as they’ve
been since fondly recalling the good ole daze of Segregation.
However, the grape chugging Cali boyz from the Valley will keep this
game somewhat close as the Black Bears are already thinking about next week and
Big Bad Bama…
Georgia -20.5 vs. Vandy: Speaking of unrealistic,
virulent, intolerable, insufferable fan bases, UGA folks think this is finally The
Year – for the 37 consecutive time… Derek Mason might be the worst SEC
coach since a certain combed-over dolt romped the sidelines in Tuscaloosa in
2000, and this will be a laugher by half time.
Afterwards, grown men across the Peach State bark like inbred dogs until
the dawn…
3 Star Picks (shits and
giggles picks)
Marshall -3 @ Ohio: Last week, Doc Holliday became
every degenerate gambler’s “Huckleberry” with a backdoor pick six with under a
minute to go to snuff out San Berdoo.
This week will prove to be much easier, as BobCock coach Frank “Steke
Stife” Solich-Kearney is distracted while undergoing counseling after getting popped
for a 2nd DUI and stealing the hearse during his brother in law’s
funeral in Lima.
Boise St -2.5 @ BYU:
2 burning questions – 1) can the Cougs avoid a letdown after last week’s
miracle in the Corn? and 2) Did Jebus really come down from the sky wearing a
seer sucker suit in the U.S. and convince Joseph Smith to start a religion
where you could bang 8 chicks at once but not have caffeine. Um, no…. Buckin’ Broncos bring the Mormons back down
to earth.
Ok
For Now…..
BC
Gonzo
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