WEEK NINE
MINNESOTA
+13½ vs Michigan- Too bad Harbaugh can’t be the one who’s retiring because he’s
about to drop dead, this media obsession with him has gotten to the point where
they’re all going to be speculating that he’s jumping right back to the NFL.
And enough with his goddamn pants…
MARSHALL -17 @ UNC Charlotte- According to a VERY reputable source, the city of Charlotte
changed its name from “Hitler City” just after WWII in order to avoid some very
bad stereotyping. But they underestimated the will & desire of the
dirt-spitting rednecks of that area, because they’ve done a great job keeping
hate & persecution of minorities alive and well on Tobacco Road. If Billy
Graham still knew he was alive, he’d be smiling…
GEORGIA +3
vs Florida- How many trailer trash kids are conceived in the alleyways of
downtown Jacksonville during this decadent weekend? If you want to know the
answer, turn on any “reality” show… Somewhere in the panhandle, there are 10yr
olds watching “Party Down South” and dreaming of one day getting pregnant or
into a brawl on that show…
KENTUCKY +8½
vs Tennessee- And speaking of trash, I’d stay off the freeways of the Volunteer
& Bluegrass states this weekend, or you may get your car splattered with
the urine of some Ricky Bobby who’s too methed out to stop the car to piss. “Sun
Roof??? More like Fun Roof!!!”
STANFORD -12
@ Washington St- I actually saw some mouth breathers on that tweet site
complaining about how that Saturday morning vomitfest football show on that
four letter sports channel wasn’t going to broadcast from Pullman. They’re the
same people who think the GOP debates are going well…
BALL ST -2½
vs UMass- I’ve held out on any references to my favorite holiday of the year
simply because I want to scare the shit out of kids as I hand out boxes of
raisins to little twerps in order to be able to say that I’m not contributing
to childhood obesity and diabetes. Coca Cola & McDonald’s on the other
hand, just pay off some scientologist to lie to your faces…
SOUTH
CAROLINA +17 @ Texas A&M- So it sounds like Coach Summerfield promised
Skyler or Kyle or whatever fucked up name his dipshit parents gave him, a bunch
of playing time so he wouldn’t go to Austin. Now everyone’s involved in some
soap opera drama bullshit and these coddled quarterback bitches are unhappy and
mad at each other. Methinks Kevin, or Kelvin or Devin, whatever, will bolt to
coach in the NFL the first chance he gets…
FLORIDA
INTERNATIONAL -3 @ Florida Atlantic- The Battle For Lower Flor-Duh is upon us,
and the 57 mile trek the Panthers’ fans will make up to Boca Raton only takes 2½
hours on Miami’s exquisite highway system. They’d be better off driving 2 miles
from campus to Miami International Airport and flying the fuck up there… Meanwhile
the U has to drive basically the same distance for all their home games because
they’re all idiots…
Selah…
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