BC Gonzo Pix of the Week: Week 5

BC Gonzo Pix of the Week

Week 5 aka “Weak of Death Showers”

What a Twisted season already… After 12 years of this shit, I’m actually used to getting physically threatened by a variety of nut job fan bases – ranging from VA Tech (my references to Beamer’s neck herpes touches a nerve so to speak) to Bama (see my Brian Dennehy Stadium bits) to UGA (yes, you grown trashy men, in fact, bark like dogs) supporters. But after a solid month of Twitter sparring with Jack Crowe, I now have officially been challenged by the failed, drunken former Arkansas and Jacksonville State coach to confront him on his 2-bit show he broadcasts live from Awbern, AL. He promised me a “country boy ass kicking” to be precise.  But I’m not having him. He can fuck right off, because I just don’t like the shape of his bulbous head. Remember The Citadel, Jackie boy! 

Fornit Some Fornus!

   Do I really need a restraining order against this goon?

 

5 Star Platinum Pick:

Michigan St -21.5 vs. Purdue: Speaking of surly, alcoholic head coaches, Mark Dantonio is rude, arrogant, intimidating and insufferable. In fact, he might be the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.  But his Spartans will dismantle the hapless Shaker Makers, who are the worst “Power 5” team not named Kansas. 

5 Star Picks:

Georgia -1.5 vs. Alabama: If any of you have never been to a game in Athens, here’s a sample of what you would hear: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-carsenio-hall-show/n10088 UGA fans are just weird, wild stuff. Just WOOF WOOF WOOF and that’s it!  Dogs take care of a de-intensified Tide…

Houston -7 @ Tulsa: The Cougs’ cheesy new gimmick this year is “H Town Takeover”.  I suppose the “H” could stand for a variety of things – Hispanic Hookers’ Hand-jobs by the Half Hour (so I hear…), Humidity, Hicks, Homophobes, etc. But whatever works, eh? This week, the H-Towners travel to Dust Bowl country to make quick work of the Golden Shower.  

4 Star Picks:

N. Illinois -3 @ C. Michigan:  A dozen years ago, Michael Turner and the Huskies ran all over a dumbfounded Mike Shula in the grouchy confines of Brian Dennehy Stadium.  Before that, DeKalb, IL was more famous for being the home of Barb Wire, Cindy Crawford, Corn, Tornadoes, and more corn.  See, we’ve all learned something….

Florida St -20 @ Wake Forest: Winston-Salem and the Skoal Bowl will be a virtual mosh pit thanks to Joachin Phoenix this weekend. That should make the traveling, swamp rat pricks from Tallahassee feel right at home, as Jimbo’s thugs corn-hole the pitiful Deacs.  Ricky Proehl must be rollin’ over in his grave…

3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks):

Nevada -6.5 vs. UNLV:  The first stop in BC Gonzo’s Tri-State Dream Vacation parlay features the Battle of the Silver State, aka Hooker and Gambling Heaven (“You Know They Have a Helluva Teaser!”). The Pack should mudhole the Pedestrian Rebs in the Battle of the Silver State, but 1^st year Coach Tony “Dirty” Sanchez will have the Rebels rocking in a few years.

Oregon -7.5 @ Colorado:  We end our parlay in the Battle of the Legalized Plant States.  After the Ducks jump out to a huge halftime lead, CU fans in a desolate Folsom Field will finally understand the Pot Paradox: An empty bowl needs to be filled, while a full bowl needs to be emptied. 

Ok For Now…..

BC Gonzo