BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 7 aka “Weak of Morning
Beer”
At
midseason, it’s time for an agonizing reappraisal of the College Football
Broadcasting Situation. It’s a goddamn shame that the nation’s second most
popular sport (last week’s shitty Bama/Arkansas game killed MLB playoffs in
ratings...) produces insufferable hacks that scream incoherently at every play
(see Joe Tessitore), babble meaningless rubbish non-stop (see Jesse Palmer),
would smugly announce they’d rather be at a tennis match and feel they are more
important than the game (see Chris Fowler) or are so senile that the last time
they trusted a fart was during the evil Caspar Weinberger regime (see Musberger
and Verne)… In any case, your only options now are to either: 1) icepick your
eardrum; or 2) mute the TV and blast the Tame Impala channel on Pandora… But to
hell with this gibberish and on to yet another winning week….
Fornit
Some Fornus!
Must see TV?
5 Star Platinum Pick:
TCU -20.5 @ Iowa St: Gary “Eight Mile” Patterson
has his Christ-Punchers inevitably pillow fighting their way to the much
awaited flag football game against Whiny Art Briles and his Branch
Davidians. This week’s beat down in Ames
will make Cyclone fans yearn for the Daze of Gene Chizik.
5 Star Picks:
Texas Tech -31 @ Kansas: Yes, my insiders know KU is
Gonzo’s Fade Team of the Decade. This
program is decimated by no funding, no fan interest, and no players thanks to
the exodus of one-and-done JUCOs recruited by Charlie “Front Butt” Weiss. Douche Bag Extraordinaire Krusty Kliff Klingsbury will prepare for this game
by adjusting his wrap-around shades and trimming his 5 o’clock shadow just so.
Kool has a cut-off, Kliff…
Michigan St +7.5 @ Michigan: What’s up with all the
sudden state pride now? My friend Cracker McWhitey informs me the Great Lakes
State has ugly women, a shitty economy, and treacherous weather to boot. I’m
not saying he’s right, but I hear babies
born in Michigan are so ugly, even their incubators are tinted… Anyhoo, the Spartans will bring down nut-job
Harbaugh down a notch or two this week.
4 Star Picks:
N. Illinois -15.5 vs. Miami (OH): True story – I worked
with a Miami graduate 4 years ago who consumed massive amounts of mushrooms at
an Official Company Function and made an arse of himself. The bloke had the balls the next day to say
it was simply a recommendation from Trip Advisor. Anyway, this will not be a happy trip for the Red(skin) Hawks …
Clemson -16 vs. Boston College: Everybody is saying “Dabo
This” and “Dabo That” but no one is saying “Worship This” or “Jericho That”. That’s what happens when you mix Religion,
Higher Education, and a window-licker from Pelham, AL. The BC (gonzo) Eagles might get shut out
again. What’s this about Dabo?
3 Star Picks (shits and
giggles picks):
Ga Tech -3 vs. Pitt: Paul Johnson’s offense must
have been really something before electricity.
Maybe if he thought of evolving to the 20th Century instead
of intravenously consuming Varsity chili dogs non-stop, his Jackets would not
be at this point every year. At least,
the pitiful Panzers will provide a much needed break in front of 29,000 fans at
Anthony Grant Field…
Florida $tate -7 vs. Louisville: Then stench that you’ll smell on Saturday
will be from the slime left behind these 2 dirt-bag coaches. The Tallahassee PD gets a much needed respite
for 3 hours as the beloved panhandle Thugs TCB against the Redbirds. Howard Schnellenberger must be rollin’ over
in his grave…
Ok
For Now…..
BC
Gonzo
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