2014 BC Gonzo Pix of the Week: Week 5

BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 5 aka “Weak of Shitty Ybor City”

Well, I’m back at it after spending a miserable, tequila-soaked week in Tampa doing 2-bit radio shows with half-brained, sports talk shock-jocks whose collective knowledge of college football rivals that of a stillborn kitten. And as far as the Infamous Ybor City district goes, it sucks as bad as Bourbon Street – the only difference is that it reeks of shitty cigar smoke and feral chicken shit as opposed to vomit; oh.. and hand jobs given by Cuban midgets are only $10. So I hear… Anyhaught, another Treacherous line-up of games this week gives us some locks - including durable Trojans, wom-riddlled collies, and Baptist Thugs…..

 

   Burnt to a crisp.. but never forgotten...

 

5 Star Platinum Pick

Southern Cal -9 vs. Oregon State: If you’re expecting some tired, sophomoric, frat-boy humor about Trojans and Beavers, then you’ve come to the right place. Yes, Daniel Tosh might be correct: having sex with a condom is akin to picking up dog shit with a bag - you know the poo is in your hand, but you don’t freak out. Nonetheless, I expect USC to go in raw against the undermanned Beavs and coast to a double digit win in the decrepit Coliseum.      

5 Star Picks
 

Baylor -21.5 @ Iowa St: You know when a trip to Ames is considered a “bucket list” cultural event, you must come from a real shit-hole. But should you be surprised when the biggest attraction in Waco is a monument depicting RG3 setting fire to the Branch Davidian compound?? Anyway, we’ll call for the Cultist Baptists to Christ Punch the Cyclones into oblivion….

Texas A&M -9.5 vs. Arkansas: At one point, I thought Alanis Morissette was one of the hotter chicks in the world. So yes – I’m warped in more ways than one and likely beyond repair. Anyway, she went on Oprah a few weeks ago and claimed her “fame” caused her PTSD. If that is what causes that shit these days, imagine what Bert Bielema and the Hogs will go through after the shellacking in Jerry World. Clint Stoerner must be rollin’ over in his grave…

4 Star Picks

N. Carolina +14.5 @ Clempson: After handing over the gift-wrapped win to the Rapist Noles last week, I can’t see a Water-Head like Dabo Swinney getting his devastated Tiggers up for this game. Even after getting jail-sexed against the Butt Pirates last week, the Heels keep it close.   

Bowling Green -5 @ UMass: After the Falcon’s starting QB was ruled out for this game, this line went down quicker than a bottle of Vicodin at Brett Favre’s house. It doesn’t matter, because some random midget giving hand jobs in Ybor City could suit up and whip the hapless Minutemaids.

3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)

Washington +7.5 vs. Stanford: The bad blood between these coaches traces back to an in-home recruiting visit this January, when Cardinal coach David Shaw told a recruit’s mother that noted Scientologist and U-Dub coach Chris Petersen would “rather be jerking off John Travolta in an ARC triangle than developing players”. Not sure what that means, but I know Chris will have his Dachshunds ready to piss on Condi’s trees in the Land of Coffee and Cocaine.   

Iowa -9 @ Purdue: Christ… I actually long for the daze when Hayden Fry and Wilford Brimley were leading these respective teams to half-azzed Bowl games. Now I’d rather watch a diabetic’s foot being amputated than witness this pillow fight. Nonetheless, the Hawks will roll.   

OK For Now…
BC Gonzo