The Fixer's Throwin' Darts At WEEK THREE Picks

WEEK THREE

ILLINOIS +10 @ North Carolina- Time to see if Mean Gene Chiz-dick can stop a decent QB from lighting his defense up like a crack pipe… Which isn't a cut mentioning crack, bc that's a new athletic department sponsored major at UNC now...

MISSISSIPPI +6½ @ Alabama- I’ve made my fair share of jokes about the human rake, Mr. Freeze, but I am amazed that he can recruit to the last place any of these players would EVER want to go to if they weren’t playing football…Why do all the trees in Alabama tilt to the West? Because Mississippi SUX!

FAU/ BUFFALO Over 63- Both teams have El Matador defenses, Ole’!!!

UTEP -2½ @ New Mexico St- Last Spring, I made the drive from El Paso to Las Cruces, and other than the smell of cowshit, the picturesque views of dying trees and sagebrush, the dust storms, the mud rain and the unbearable heat, it was a fantastic experience…

IOWA ST +8 @ Toledo- Your classic letdown game. The Pocket Rockets have been gaining momentum and overconfidence since their “upset” in Fayettenam. The Cyclones lost a rivalry game and have to turn around and go to Ohio, so yes, I’d be highly annoyed too…

TEXAS +7 vs California- Don’t blame the players or the coaches for what’s become of the football program in Austin. The ones causing all this damage are the entitled boosters who think writing a check every year gives them the authority to dictate happenings and call for the hiring & firing of coaches and administrators… Good thing that doesn’t happen in our government sectors…

BYU +16 @ UCLA- perhaps the NFL should reconsider relocating 3 teams to LA until both of their local college teams can actually sell out a fucking game. No one in that town gives a shit about football when you have that weather and a reality television show for every two-bit talentless assclown crying out for attention…

TEMPLE -10 @ UMass- How have these schools never played each other until this week? 

Selah...