BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 4 aka “Weak of Fantasy
Fiends”
After
two 6-1 ATS records in the 1st three weeks of the season, let’s keep
the Gonzo Prognosticating Machine pumping out winners for you free-loading
Thugs. As for the pay sites some of you frequent, all they do is over-analyze
their faulty data sets. Haven’t they got fuck-all better to do? I’d rather be
out there On the Piss and trusting instincts. Buyer Beware…
Fornit
Some Fornus!
After all, it's Terry's Wonderwall...
5 Star Platinum Pick:
UL Lafayette -8 vs. Akron: The last time Kangaroo Coach
Terry Bowden was relevant, soul patches, backward jeans, Crystal Pepsi, Crystal
Meth, and chain wallets were all the rage. Ah, how I miss thee, 1990s. These
daze, Terry single-handedly makes the Akron Golden Corral the most profitable
business in NE Ohio. This Saturday, his mind might be on his prime rib
slathered in Chocolate Wonderfall bacteria, but his Zips will be getting
pistol-whipped by Gonzo’s Cajuns.
5 Star Picks:
Minnesota -10 vs. Ohio: The Fixer and I have a side
bet going this year – what will happen 1st: Jerry Kill’s next
epileptic seizure or Frank “Steke Stife” Solich’s next DUI? I’m banking on
Frank’s next Dewey after nickle beer night and horse meat tacos in downtown
Athens. I also look for the Gophers to run roughshod over the hapless BobCocks.
Nebraska -21.5 vs. Southern Piss: After Mike Riley’s
lackluster start, folks in the Cornhusker State haven’t been this outraged
since High Fructose Corn Syrup fell all the way to 3rd in the
rankings as a contributor to obesity, diabetes, cancer, and general stupidity.
This week the Shuckers get a much needed HFCS-infused tonic against the baby
shit-clad Eagles.
4 Star Picks:
Tennessee -1 @ Flore-Duh: Coach “Sergeant Carter”
Jones’ cheesy clichés, gimmicks, and catch-phrases are finally to beginning to
wear thin with Vols fans. Rumor out of Knoxville is that Butch is desperately trying
to whip a drinking and Vicodin problem. UT’s decade of misery ends this week in
the Swamp, as their eyebrow-less, inexperienced QB has a career game. Bottoms
Up, Butch!
Buffalo Pick ‘Em vs. Nevada: I happen to know a dude from
Buffalo that actually bragged to me he went to school with Ani DiFranco… or was
it one of the Goo Goo Dolls? It really doesn’t matter, but I suppose it’s still
a better place to live than Reno – “We’re sorta like Vegas, except the Hookers
wear snowshoes sometimes”. Bull Dykes win big this week.
3 Star Picks (shits and
giggles picks):
Arkansas +7 vs. Texas A&M: Bert Bulimia’s big
talk during the off-season has finally bitten him in his rather rotund ass. In
fact, his mouth is the only thing bigger than his rump, which is saying a lot
considering the overall considerable girth of the Natural State. This week, however, the
Piggies could stun the Ags and their weird cult of fans.
Navy -7 @ UConn:
The Huskies will be deflated after almost pulling off the Shocker
against Mizzou in the most horrible football game ever played last week (No hyperbole). Meanwhile, the Fightin’ Semen have their best
club in years. Anchors Away in Storrs.
Jim Calhoun must be rollin’ over his grave…
Ok
For Now…..
BC
Gonzo
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