BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 3 aka “Weak of
Heathen Chemistry”
I’m
a man of many obsessions… including but not limited to: collecting bathroom
stall poetry in seedy gas station shitters, appreciating costumed college mascots with horse
heads, memorizing football stadium seating capacities around the World, ogling over that smoking hot little waitress that works at the Thai restaurant I like, and listening non-stop
to Oasis Radio on Pandora. In fact, the
other day my girlfriend implored me to stop continuously singing Oasis
songs. “I said Maybe…” My main obsession, however, is scouring the
bowels of the Innerweb and finding hidden gems in faulty Home Dog September
odds; and this week, Treacherous Reader, ye shall profit from that. D’ ya Know What I Mean?
Fornit
Some Fornus!
5 Star Platinum Pick:
Notre Dame +2.5 vs. Ga Tech: The one thing these 2
schools have in common is they both have hot-headed, lard-ass head coaches who
never actually played a down of major college football. Now that I think about
it, both schools hired George O’Leary (also a fat, ill-tempered dimwit who
never played)! I suppose their abominable, apoplectic tirades against 18 year
olds compensate for their own lack of athletic glory daze. Anyhaught, the Irish
Virgins deflate the Bees even with an inexperienced QB, who is now the starter.
Yes… Kizer Permanente…
5 Star Pick
Temple -10.5 @ UMass: The Owls finally have a team
that would make Bill Cosby proud. Rumor
is he’ll personally buy the entire team Date Night Jell-O Pudding Pop-flavored Roofies
if they start the year 3-0. Tem-pole’s suffocating defense should have no
problem against the Militia Men. Give a Hoot! Read a Book!
Ole Piss +7 @ Alabama: With his endless supply of
illegally recruited thugs, the Human Rake and his rowdy, roddy Rebs will not be
intimidated in the confines of Brian Dennehy Stadium. And by the way, to the
Water Head who created the Brian Denney Stadium Twitter account: You’re stealing
my bit!! Winner of this game advances to the 20th Century... Don’t
be surprised if it’s the Black Bears.
4 Star Pick
Texas +7 vs. Cal: Speaking of classic shithouse
poetry, one of my faves of all time: “Hear
I sit, buns a flexin’, givin’ birth to another Texan”. Jesus, does that ever get old? The visiting legion of Bear fans will only
help to Keep Austin Weird, but I think Coach Skrong has circled the wagons and
will send the Pacifists back to Berkley with Steer Sperm in their Hair.
Ball St -5 @ E. Michigan: In the preseason, Gonzo
called for good ole Testicle U to be a dark horse in the MAC West. This week,
the ornery gonads will obliterate a cocky EMU squad still reveling in the glory
from their historic, program-defining win in Laramie; and unfortunately for them,
their glory hole collapses quickly this week in Ypsilanti.
3 Star Picks (shits and
giggles picks)
Florida $t -9 @ Boston College: With each passing
year, I can’t think of a better fit than Dumbo Fischer and Tallahassee: a
well-scrubbed rube from West Virginia with a meth-induced speech pattern who
was reared by the Bowdens and resides quite naturally in the putrid armpit of
Florida. The BC (gonzo) coach might have
a sweet mustache but has no shot against F$U.
Flore-duh -3 @ Kentucky: In the 2nd half
of my Sunshine State parlay, Jim McElwain and his felonious Gaytors aren’t
about to the let the Kittens beat them for the 1st time since a young
Joe Piscopo was dazzling us with sheer comedic transcendence. Derek Abney must be rollin’ over in his grave…
Ok
For Now…..
BC
Gonzo
Hilarious, thanks... And the picks were pretty good too
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