The Atlanta Fixer's Week of The Dozen Plays

WEEK OF THE DOZEN

SUTHERN CALLEFORNEEIA -14 vs Calleforneeia- In true Ahnold speak, we have an additional 12 syllables added to this pillow fight. And like Ahnold, the Coliseum is old, smelly, and in need of lots of cosmetic repairs…

SOUTHERN PISS +8½ @ Texas San Antonio- It’s scary to think that none of the players in this game were even born back when they filmed Cloak & Dagger in & around the Riverwalk… Little Elliot must be rolling over in his grave…

BOYSSAY ST -14 vs San Diego St- Okay, we get it, the blue turf was cute and semi-interesting when you first came to the adults’ table. I’m tired of hearing about all the goddamn birds whop die thinking it’s a lake… Blah blah blah…

FLOR-DUH ST -2 @ Miami of Flor-duh- There are a million other things I would rather do than root for either team, and come to think of it, I’d rather watch the Paint Drying Channel than see one second of this game. F$U has shown their colors…

 ALL-Barn +2½ @ Jaw-Juh- I remember back to the days when both of these college towns were full of cool people, musicians & free love. Now, you’ll get arrested for public intox walking down the street(instead of drunk driving) while the campus Christ-Punchers block you from enjoying a beer in the local dive… ‘Merica!

JAW-JUH Suthurn +3 @ Navy- There’s a reason the Allman Brothers finally called it quits: Having to play Statesboro Blues 37,000 times kills your soul, and so does living in that town.

EUTAW ST -17 vs New Mexico- I think Will Ferrel’s SNL cheerleader character is now the QB of the Ags, which won’t matter since Los Lobos play defense like old people fuck…

MARYLAND +12½ vs Meechigan St- I had a crazy aunt who got confused one Xmas and sent everyone crab cakes instead of fruit cakes… You can imagine where I’m going with this… My Uncle still thinks those cherries were a little too ripe…

MIDDLE TENNESSEE -5 @ Flor-duh Internationale- My only time in Murphreesboro( I don’t even care if I misspelled it) was spent sitting in a Logan’s Roadhouse watching my ex-girlfriend wait tables and sell LSD to her teachers… Ft Lauderdale may be chilly this weekend…  

MIDDLE MEECHIGAN -15 vs Miami Oh Yeah- I’m very afraid of the ugly uniform factor in this game. I’m also afraid of seahorses, the color brown & the movie “Burlesque”…

NOTRA DOM -17 vs Northwestern- The vile Northern Indiana folk are still seething after losing the College Football Hall of Fame to Atlanta this Summer. Any place that purposely makes it hard for you to buy booze deserves that and more…

TENNESSEE -7 vs Kentucky- The Battle of the Bourbons will go to Jack Daniels & George Dickel. You can keep pouring Kentucky Gentleman & Old Crow & Early Times, hillbillies…

TEJAS ST +5 @ Lower Alabama- City & county leaders in Mobile are arguing about what to name a new bridge that they don’t have the money to pay for… Meanwhile, Dennis Franchitti returns to the state that was even too backwards for him & his weird family to breathe air in..

Selah...