2014 BC Gonzo Pix of the Week: Week 13

BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Lucky Week 13 aka “Weak of Parklife”

It’s actually nice to be back in ‘Merica after spending the last 5 days in London drinking flat beer, ogling fat-bottomed girls, trying to understand the infatuation with the word lovely, and getting adopted by some local Brits to join their Tuesday Evening Trivia team on “quiz night” and subsequently getting drunkenly lectured by them on what the U.S. should do about The Ferguson Situation. I asked them to mind their Falkland Island Situation and to mind their gap, of course. In any case, we did have a cool trivia team name: “Quiz in Your Face”. Hey – that’s not my bit; it’s that patented British Wit. I can’t keep up with that stuff. But to hell with this gibberish, let’s carry on with this week’s shitty slate of games.  

 

   College football is a dog-eat-dog world...

5 Star Platinum Pick

 

Tennessee -3.5 vs. Mizzou: Being a UT fan is like anal sex in the Volunteer State. Chances are if you were forced to succumb to it as a kid, you’ll hate it as an adult. At least they’ll get to witness a bowl for the first time since Barrack wasn’t gray-haired after whipping the Drunken Pinkels.     

5 Star Picks

Penn St -6.5 @ Illinois: I understand the Nittany Lions will be staying at the Hyatt Place – a brand spanking new hotel in Champaign, where the “turn down service", at least for this weekend with Penn St coaches in town, means the bell boys are not interested. The ever-sketchy James Franklin puts the final nail in Tim Beckman’s coffin in Champaign Supernova.  

UCLA -3.5 vs. USC: This week, USC announced cornerback Josh Shaw will return from suspension. I still can’t believe the media fell for his story about his jumping in a swimming pool and saving his nephew from drowning. Everyone knows that black people prefer to swim in ponds or lakes….  

4 Star Picks

La Lafayette -10 vs. Appalachian State: People have always wondered about my infatuation with the Rajun Cajuns. It’s kind of like the unconditional love I have for my UPS driver – he’s a drug dealer and he doesn’t even know it. And he’s always on time! Look for the Gonzo Cajuns to curb stomp the Hillbillies.                    

Mississippi -3.5 @ Arkansas: I don’t buy into any of the rumors of the buck-toothed Hugh Freeze (aka, the Human Rake) being a candidate for the Flore-duh job, as he’s too much of a Southern-twanged, Bible-thumping rube for the transplant Yankee fan base. On the other hand, he is accustomed to a fan base full of band wagon jumpers and unbearable pricks. Black Bears win by double digits.

3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)

Northwestern +1 @ Purdue: I had to spend 3 days of Community Service last month in Evanston due to an… "unfortunate incident" I had there 2 years ago. I did walk the campus though, and I’m not saying there are a lot of Asian students there, but when I inquired about a Dog Wok service, they referred me to the local Hibachi joint….

Notre Dame -3 vs. Louisville: I often wonder what it’s like being a giraffe with strep throat. Then it becomes clear when I picture what it must be like to be an Irish fan the past few weeks. At least the student-murdering Brian Kelly gets the Irish Virgins back on track this week.

OK For Now,
BC Gonzo