2014 BC Gonzo Pix of the Week: Week 6

BC Gonzo Pix of the Week

Week 6 aka “Weak of Weak Sex”

So I’m back from my third city in 3 weeks doing horrific radio bits and they’re getting progressively worse. This week’s exotic locale was the filthy mean streets of D.C., where only 1 out of every 10 talk show caller wants to talk college ball. The other 9 are knuckle-dragging, shit-tard, alcoholic Redskin fans who claim they are 1/16 Comanche Indian and will therefore fight to the grave to keep their racist nickname. But that hardly matters now. This week, our winners include aroused Cocks, Metro Daze memories, and tangerine-colored pricks.  

 

    "I'm stuck in KNOXVILLE??!!"

5 Star Platinum Pick

Ball State +2.5 @ Army: Our esteemed Kilbot Factory hit a new low last week, becoming the first D1 school to lose to an Ivy League school since Skedoodles and post-partum abortions were all the rage. If Army’s football performance translates to modern-day military missions, I’ll take Ebola and the points once our troops hit Liberian soil. We’ll call for Dear Old Testicle U to get their passing game going again and pull off the win in West Point.          

5 Star Picks

South Carolina -4 @ Kentucky: Speaking of Testicles, Steve Spurrier - aka the Ole Ball Sack - is getting his fair share of a Karma Shit Sandwiches shoved down his throat this year after yipping like a poodle all summer long. But a trip to Lexington is just what Steve-O needs to get the Cocks back up. On the other hand, 2 days in Bourbon Country is the last thing his pickled liver needs. Jared Lorenzen must be rollin’ over in his grave.…  

Oklahoma -3.5 @ TCU: The only other coach that could give Spurrier a run for the title of Smarmiest Dickweed Insufferable Coach Alive is the detestable Bob Stoops (who may or may not have herpes). But he’s perfect for the dust bowl of Oklahoma – where the only way to separate the men from the boys is with a restraining order…. I say the Boomers put this out of reach by half-time at Billy Carter Stadium.

4 Star Picks

Tennessee -2.5 vs. Flore-duh: UT coach Butch Jones might embrace the fact that he’s a spitting image of Seargent Carter. I mean - he does have a haircut you can set your watch to. But the fact that he refers to Vols QB Justin Worley as “Miss Bunny” is downright creepy. This week his orange-clad misfits will continue to force Muschamp to eat shit on his Death March. Shazam!     

Ohio State -7 @ Maryland: The Tippi Turtles are having a rough go of it in their year of Big 10 (11?) (12?) pillow fights. At some point this season, Urban Meyer will once again have his annual “heart attack”/Saban PTSD/indigestion/herpes flare up, but it won’t be this game. Afterwards, Randy Edsall accuses Butch Jones of stealing his hair cut.

3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)

Cincinnati -3.5 vs. Memphis: This game would’ve been a great hoops matchup back into the Metro Conference days when a young, svelte Bob Huggins was only on his 2nd DUI conviction and Tiger coach Dana Kirk was doing lines off of Beale Street hookers’ asses. But we’ll make do with this snoozer by loading up on Tommy Tubesteak and the BearKats.

Texas A&M +2.5 @ Miss. State: This game hearkens back memories of the infamous Independence Bowl “snow” game on a cold New Year’s Eve night, when Jackie Sherrill castrated the A&M mascot to fire up the Bulldogs. Then he found out the collie was a female. What the hell did he castrate?? This year Kevin Sumlin and Reveille get sweet revenge. 

OK For Now...
BC Gonzo