BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 8 aka “Weak of the Unnatural State”
Skipping a week writing for this godamn blog was just what the Good Doctor ordered, as the Gonzo Prognostication Machine got back to winning form in a huge way. Maybe I should spend more weekends on the GonzoFixer Caravan traversing through the Diamond State. My apologies for missing Week 7, but after waking up in a bathtub being drenched with buckets of ice by the Fixer and a hotel maid named Maryluz, my only memories of that godforsaken state are of endless tornado swaths, getting beaten by undocumented security guards in War Memorial Stadium, and a life-size statue of a coked-up Glen Campbell pummeling Tanya Tucker in Fort Smith. Actually, Glen would even have a better memory of last weekend than me. Southern Nights, indeed….
Week 8 aka “Weak of the Unnatural State”
Skipping a week writing for this godamn blog was just what the Good Doctor ordered, as the Gonzo Prognostication Machine got back to winning form in a huge way. Maybe I should spend more weekends on the GonzoFixer Caravan traversing through the Diamond State. My apologies for missing Week 7, but after waking up in a bathtub being drenched with buckets of ice by the Fixer and a hotel maid named Maryluz, my only memories of that godforsaken state are of endless tornado swaths, getting beaten by undocumented security guards in War Memorial Stadium, and a life-size statue of a coked-up Glen Campbell pummeling Tanya Tucker in Fort Smith. Actually, Glen would even have a better memory of last weekend than me. Southern Nights, indeed….
Bee Gees are a lock – even if Andy is a pervert....
5 Star Platinum Pick
Georgia -3.5 @ Arkansas: Speaking of War Memorial Stadium, I will never forgive those Thugs that threw me on my ass outside the stadium. I’ve also never forgiven Walter Cronkite, but we’ll get into that later. As a result I put a nasty curse on the soil in Little Rock, ensuring perpetual losing for the Hogs every time they step foot inside that Clap Trap. It starts this week against the Dawgs, even without their Gurley Man, and Bert Bielema suffers through another post-game crying session.
5 Star Picks
Colorado St -5.5 vs. Utah State: In order to help tailback Dee Hart and his “problems” with Pot Parties, Nick $aban kicked him off the team and sent him to COLORADO? to help him with his spleef issues. Dee is having the last uncontrollable laugh though, as he’s plowing through MWC foes like he plows through a dime bag on a clear Fort Collins night. Good for Jim McElwain and the Rams.
Texas A&M +13.5 @ Alabama: Although this line has “sucker bet” written all over it, I’m pretty sure no odds-maker sat through 4 hours of cold rain in the Arkansas Southern Skies watching the abortionistic Bama offense. I haven’t seen a Tide offense this inept since the daze of a young comb-overed Mike DuBose bending over secretaries in T Town. What I’m trying to say is that I’d rather watch old people fuck than watch this Daniel Tosh-led west coast attack. Aggies easily cover and possibly win.
5 Star Platinum Pick
Georgia -3.5 @ Arkansas: Speaking of War Memorial Stadium, I will never forgive those Thugs that threw me on my ass outside the stadium. I’ve also never forgiven Walter Cronkite, but we’ll get into that later. As a result I put a nasty curse on the soil in Little Rock, ensuring perpetual losing for the Hogs every time they step foot inside that Clap Trap. It starts this week against the Dawgs, even without their Gurley Man, and Bert Bielema suffers through another post-game crying session.
5 Star Picks
Colorado St -5.5 vs. Utah State: In order to help tailback Dee Hart and his “problems” with Pot Parties, Nick $aban kicked him off the team and sent him to COLORADO? to help him with his spleef issues. Dee is having the last uncontrollable laugh though, as he’s plowing through MWC foes like he plows through a dime bag on a clear Fort Collins night. Good for Jim McElwain and the Rams.
Texas A&M +13.5 @ Alabama: Although this line has “sucker bet” written all over it, I’m pretty sure no odds-maker sat through 4 hours of cold rain in the Arkansas Southern Skies watching the abortionistic Bama offense. I haven’t seen a Tide offense this inept since the daze of a young comb-overed Mike DuBose bending over secretaries in T Town. What I’m trying to say is that I’d rather watch old people fuck than watch this Daniel Tosh-led west coast attack. Aggies easily cover and possibly win.
Texas Tech -13 vs. Kansas: Koach Kliff Kingsbury is learning what a young Gonzo learned many years ago: looks will only take you so far. At some point, even the Rub ‘N Tug parlors turn you away…. Anyhaught, he’ll get back on the winning track this week against the reeling Jaybirds, who apparently no longer have access to their Food Truck, which they had to forfeit as part of Charlie Weis’ buyout clause.
Bowling Green -2 @ W. Michigan: Barry, Andy, and the rest of the dead Bee Gees return to Kalamazoo, one of their famous venues, where - at a 1979 concert- a strung out Andy and Maurice Gibb first pioneered the FROT maneuver onstage at a sold out WMU arena. This year, the Falcons and their Socrates offense outduel the undermanned Buckin’ Broncos.
3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)
Syracuse -5 @ Wake Forest: Fun Fact - millennial chicks who graduated from Wake Forest in the past 10 years represent the highest percentage of the demographic that cuts themselves. Whoa. Ok. Hey Hey. That is to say, the Demon Deacs better pray to Satan for some offense or this game is out of hand by the 2nd quarter.
Oklahoma St +10 @ TCU: On a clear Southern Night in Fort Smith, AR you can still follow the tornado swath where a young Bryant “Big Country” Reeves ate his way to Gans, OK and set perceptions of the Sooner State back 50 years. Mike Gundy is doing nothing to help that perception but his Pokes, even without QB M. Emmet Walsh, will keep it close in the Metroplex. Doug Gottlieb must be rollin’ over in his grave. Or stealing credit cards.
OK For Now…
BC Gonzo
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