 |
| I took this pic as we maced our way out of a Lexington night club |
WEEK OF THE DOZEN
After an evening of sampling some
of the local culture, and whiskey, we were arriving back at the cozy Super 8
Motel we secured through our internet celebrity status, when a curb jumped out
in front of us, flattening both right side tires. So a tow truck arrived the
next morning, and the driver was sporting overalls with no shirt underneath(or
underwear we assumed) & he was paralyzed on the right side of his body,
looked like a character from Walking Dead without the blood & puss but sis
speak about the same. He towed us to Buffalo Bill’s Firestone station(shameless
plug) and he was amazed that two people of our stature has graced his presence
at such a bizarre time in the weekend. We have since been invited to his
Kentucky Derby Gala and make the trek every year. So after the blowout win for
the Tide, we somehow end up in one of the more “fine dining” establishments in
Lexington, white tablecloths and everything… We had just dined on some shrimp
cocktails and a bottle of their 2nd cheapest champagne, living the
life… The night was moving along smoothly until the topic of basketball came
up. Now, these rubes up there were keen on who we were, but not so aware of our
comic wit and tendency to be a bit on the sarcastic side. I said something in
reference to “Just wait til we play you bastards in basketball”, as I swilled
my 7th Maker’s shot of the evening. It was like the full moon came
out, they went into a frenzy the likes of which I have ever seen since. Luckily
for us, we were being peppered with death threats every week, so we had
resorted to carrying protection, and that weekend Gonzo was sporting some
industrial grade mace. We began to make our way out of the establishment, and
it was a recreation of that scene in “From Dusk Til Dawn”. I was behind Gonzo,
he with the can of mace high above his head ready to spew it upon the faces of
those ravenous mouth breather hicks. Gonzo let a stream of mace fly across the
heads of our would-be assassins, and we darted out the front door. We lived to
play another day…
HOUSTON +16 @ Louisville- I’m not
a uniform snob, but it is getting disgusting how low some schools will go to
schlep a few extra jerseys. The ‘Ville is by far not the worst, they haven’t
added a completely off base color into the mix, but at some point you cross
over into pissing on your tradition of heritage. UCLA< I’m looking in your
general direction…
UTEP -6 vs Florida International-
Isn’t it wonderful that these two schools that are 1,980 miles apart are now in
the same conference!!! And how great it is that they bring such strong teams to
play each week…
VANDERBILT -13 vs Kentucky- Fun
fact: The only SEC school that Vandy has a winning record against is….. is…. is…
Auburn… But the Mildcats are a close second…
SAN DIEGO ST -4½ @ Hawaii- El
Azteca was one of my favorite “Dirty Mexican” restaurants to grab a salty
margarita and a plate of tamales until I was reminded that they’ve killed more
people with food poisoning than Hawaii has put in the NFL. But I give the
Rainbow Warriors some love for going old school unis this week…
ARKANSAS ST -7 vs Texas St- Today’s
history lesson tells you that Jonesboro, Arkansas sits in the NE corner of the
state and has 70k people, and it the site of where Rooster Cogburn dies in “True
Grit”. San Marcos, Tx is between Austin & San Antoni, has 50k people and
was the birthplace of LBJ. We all feel smarter now…
CENTRAL MICHIGAN -2½ @ Western
Michigan- Waldo Stadium in Kalamazoo seats 30k fans and will usually have about
25k when the Broncos are competing for a bid to the Motor City or Pizza Bowl
#3. So how many fans will show up to see a 1-9 team play their Directional
School rival, on a bleak afternoon in mid-November??? Seven…
SMU -14 vs UConn- Here’s another
one! These schools are in the same conference now, and they’ll go bankrupt
having to ship their volleyball & swimming teams halfway across the goddamn
country bc some asshole in an office decided he wanted to fleece his own school’s
fans into traveling to BFA all in the hopes of making a few extra bucks… ‘MERICA!!!
LOUSIANA LAFAYETTE -21 @ Georgia
St- When they blow up the Ga Dome and screw over all the city residents into
paying for Arthur Blank’s increase of revenue, not only do I hope HE is
standing on the 50yd line, but also that… Oh, you thought I was going to say
the Panther team would be in there too?? Shame on you, I wouldn’t wish harm on
kids just trying to play some ball. But I do hope that Blank burns in hell… And
fuck the Braves’ MGMT too!!!
I'll show myself out...
No comments:
Post a Comment