BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 12 aka “Weak of The Dirty White Boy”
To hell with a funny opening paragraph for Week 12. This is the 8th lead I’ve written for this goddamn mess, and they are getting progressively worse…which hardly matters now, because we are down to the deadline again and it won’t be long before the Fixer starts Tweeting, the phones start ringing and those Thugs over in Birmingham will be screaming for Copy. Picks. Humor. Gibberish. Anything. The Weak 12 selections are due by noon – 4 hours from now, and the picks are ready to go except for this blank screen. The opening paragraph was supposed to have been a Definitive Profile on Jameis Winston’s Underage Sex Parties in Hueytown, AL – written by me. Looking at it fills me with guilt. This room reeks of failure once again…
Week 12 aka “Weak of The Dirty White Boy”
To hell with a funny opening paragraph for Week 12. This is the 8th lead I’ve written for this goddamn mess, and they are getting progressively worse…which hardly matters now, because we are down to the deadline again and it won’t be long before the Fixer starts Tweeting, the phones start ringing and those Thugs over in Birmingham will be screaming for Copy. Picks. Humor. Gibberish. Anything. The Weak 12 selections are due by noon – 4 hours from now, and the picks are ready to go except for this blank screen. The opening paragraph was supposed to have been a Definitive Profile on Jameis Winston’s Underage Sex Parties in Hueytown, AL – written by me. Looking at it fills me with guilt. This room reeks of failure once again…
Breakfast of the Ole Ball Sack...
5 Star Platinum Pick
Georgia +3.5 @ Awbern: The delusional BCS dreams of Tigger fans will die in an ugly fashion in the East Alabama manure pit, as Wimbledon Champ Andy Murray and the Dogs roll AllBarn for the 3rd straight year. Randy Campbell must be rollin' over in his grave...
5 Star Picks
Rutgers -1 vs. Cincy: Tommy Tubesteak is simply going through the motions these daze – coaching to fund his 3 alimonies and Ibogaine addiction. Knights nip the BearCocks in the Jersey wastelands.
Miami -3 @ Duke: They say David Cutcliffe learned everything he knows from Morbidly Obese Phil Fulmer – including the Blumpkin and Thumbs Down Reacharound. Canes wrap this puppy up by the 3rd quarter, and Dook fans can go back to worshipping their rat face hoops coach.
4 Star Picks
5 Star Platinum Pick
Georgia +3.5 @ Awbern: The delusional BCS dreams of Tigger fans will die in an ugly fashion in the East Alabama manure pit, as Wimbledon Champ Andy Murray and the Dogs roll AllBarn for the 3rd straight year. Randy Campbell must be rollin' over in his grave...
5 Star Picks
Rutgers -1 vs. Cincy: Tommy Tubesteak is simply going through the motions these daze – coaching to fund his 3 alimonies and Ibogaine addiction. Knights nip the BearCocks in the Jersey wastelands.
Miami -3 @ Duke: They say David Cutcliffe learned everything he knows from Morbidly Obese Phil Fulmer – including the Blumpkin and Thumbs Down Reacharound. Canes wrap this puppy up by the 3rd quarter, and Dook fans can go back to worshipping their rat face hoops coach.
4 Star Picks
Flore-duh +13.5 @ S. Carolina: Will Muscato is making Gaytor fans long for the Zookster daze, while Steve Spurrier is currently enjoying his 4th breakfast Coors. Lizards keep it close in a fugly game in the depressing shit hole of Columbia.
W. Virginia -6.5 @ Kansas: Charlie Weiss’ dingle berries weigh more than his defensive lineman, who will exploited by the Mounties. Afterward, Coach Holgerson celebrates by injected a bottle of gin directly into his stomach.
3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)
Okie State -3 @ Tejas: Here I sit, buns a-flexin’, giving birth to another Texan. Recite that beautiful bathroom poetry to the next arrogant Texas asshole you run across. The reaction is priceless.
Houston +17 @ Louisville: The Cougs will show the nation how overrated the Cards are in Papa Johnson Stadium. And if you’re ever in a Louisville massage parlor, do not ask for the Bukakke therapy. Not that I've ever been in one off of Shelbyville Road....
OK For Now...
BC Gonzo
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