WEEK FOURTEEN
 |
| I encourage the ridicule of any person you know who participates in this fleecing of our sanity |
Ah, the
aroma of basted turkey skin & that uncertain feeling you have about what
your methed-out cousin will yell from the sofa, MUST BE RIVALRY WEEK aka that
time of the year that all those dumbasses you’re friends with on the Facepage
post recycled stale jokes about the other school they didn’t get into either… My
favorite tradition of heritage(spanning 5 years) is setting my alarm clock for
3am and heading out to the mall to yell at & throw strings of firecrackers
into the tents of all the goddamn LOSERS who actually camp out in front of
stores to save a little money on SHIT THEY DON’T NEED! I mean, how utterly
pathetic and desperate the whores of Sprawl-Mart & Old Navy & whoever
the fuck else have become to mindfuck all the mouth breathers into thinking
they need to rampage into their store and gobble up junk that’s ONLY marked up
300% on this day. Some people think our country has problems with healthcare
& welfare & global warning & whatever else… I say our major problem
is that there are people who CAMP OUT TO SHOP! Economy Schomony!!! Plus, those
same fools dole our hundreds of dollars to go to sporting events and 3 months
later blame the government on being thrown out of their trailer… ‘MERICA!!!
Happy Thanksgiving Losers!!!
Damn, and I didn't even get to what I think about the Braves leaving the city, that's another rant for another day...
TOLEDO
-7½ @ Akron- The Zips just awarded their rotund coach with a contract
extension, mainly bc if they were to fire him, they’d have to hire a crane company
and a welder to remove the fatass from his trailer ala What’s Eating Gilbert
Grape. Plus, transporting his ass out of town on a flatbed would bankrupt the
Akron athletic budget…
EAST
CAROLINA +4 @ Marshall- Not much difference between Huntington &
Greeneville with the exception of the coal dust clogging the lungs of the
hillbillies. And I still don’t know why ECU brags about Sandra Bullock having
attending a few classes there before moving to Hollywood, fucking a bunch of
50yr old producers, and becoming the worst actress of our generation…
HOUSTON
-9½ vs Southern Meth- There was actually a time in my life when I was seriously
considering attending the ‘Stangs school to continue my promising baseball
career, but I was just in time for the death penalty and the fleecing of the
SWC and the beginning of the tenure in the WAC, glorious daze…
BAYLOR
-12 @ Tejas Christ Punchers- I guess this could be considered a rivalry, they’re
both in Texas, they’re both run by religious lunatics, and they both
consistently play in the worst excuses for uniforms this side of Stillwater. But
I’m the asshole for pointing all that out???
TULANE
+11 @ Shrimp Fried Rice- The 3rd piece of my CUSA Parlay of The Year!!
Feel the excitement??? If so, it’s probably just the crabs biting your nuts from
sleeping in any of the disease-ridden microtels in the Houston area. On the
flip side, Joe’s Crab Shack is flourishing…
CLEMSON
+5 @ South Carolina- Boil 3 lbs of sliced squash along with a chopped onion for
20 minutes, drain and add a cup of mayo, a tablespoon of salt & pepper, and
a cup and a half of sharp cheddar cheese. Mix thoroughly and dump into a
casserole dish that’s been coated or sprayed with butter. Top with crushed
saltines or “Ritz-like” crackers(not a sponsor) and bake for 30 minutes at 425.
COLORADO
ST -15 vs Centrifugal Air Farce- I’m getting dizzy just thinking about this pillow
fight… Did you all know that Peyton Manning bought into 15 Papa John’s
franchises just weeks before Colorado legalized marijuana??? He’s either the
businessman of the decade, or just happened to start banging that douche owner
after a night of clubbing the gay bars of Denver…
MINNESOTA
+15 @ Michigan St- The BIG 10+2 conference prides itself in fucking up cups of
coffee on a daily basis. So it wouldn’t surprise me if the Golden Gophers
pulled the outright upset win since the Spartans are solely focused on Oscar
Meyer’s team for next week…
No comments:
Post a Comment