BC Gonzo Pix of the Week
Week 7 aka “Weak of Señor Beaverotti”
So I was doing a radio bit in the garbage fire of Columbia, SC this week, and after referring to a certain local head coach as a butt-plug, the asshole producer cut my interview short and banned me for life from his shit-hole station! WTF kind of world do we reside in where Standards and Practices doesn’t allow for a young Gonzo to go for cheap laughs and call the Ole Ball Sack a dookie dike? Christ! In any case, on to Gonzo’s Sage Advice for Week 7: When you see blood on your toilet paper, you should shit in the dark for the next 30 days and hope for the best!
Week 7 aka “Weak of Señor Beaverotti”
So I was doing a radio bit in the garbage fire of Columbia, SC this week, and after referring to a certain local head coach as a butt-plug, the asshole producer cut my interview short and banned me for life from his shit-hole station! WTF kind of world do we reside in where Standards and Practices doesn’t allow for a young Gonzo to go for cheap laughs and call the Ole Ball Sack a dookie dike? Christ! In any case, on to Gonzo’s Sage Advice for Week 7: When you see blood on your toilet paper, you should shit in the dark for the next 30 days and hope for the best!
Official training table munchie of the CSU Rams
5 Star Platinum Pick
San Jose St +3.5 @ Colorado St: I’m not necessarily suggesting that the demise of Colorado and CSU’s respective programs is in any way related to the timing of the legalization of Pot Parties! in the Centennial State, but... most of their players that do make it to the NFL Combine generally test for high-levels of Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme in their blood stream. The Spartans and their gloryboy, first round QB haven’t lived up to expectations, but they’ll still smoke the Rams in Ft. Collins. Alex Van Pelt must be rollin’ over in his grave….
5 Star Picks
Texas A&M -6 @ Ole Piss: The real dilemma here is to abhor less: a sniveling, cokehead brat for a QB or a hypocritical, bible-whipping, dirty buck-toothed coach. I’ll have to hate Johnny less this week, given that all his dreams are made when he’s chained to the mirror and the razor blade. And this week, he’ll give the Black Bears another demoralizing beat down and send the locals back to their trailer parks for some good ole fashioned wife beatin….
San Jose St +3.5 @ Colorado St: I’m not necessarily suggesting that the demise of Colorado and CSU’s respective programs is in any way related to the timing of the legalization of Pot Parties! in the Centennial State, but... most of their players that do make it to the NFL Combine generally test for high-levels of Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme in their blood stream. The Spartans and their gloryboy, first round QB haven’t lived up to expectations, but they’ll still smoke the Rams in Ft. Collins. Alex Van Pelt must be rollin’ over in his grave….
5 Star Picks
Texas A&M -6 @ Ole Piss: The real dilemma here is to abhor less: a sniveling, cokehead brat for a QB or a hypocritical, bible-whipping, dirty buck-toothed coach. I’ll have to hate Johnny less this week, given that all his dreams are made when he’s chained to the mirror and the razor blade. And this week, he’ll give the Black Bears another demoralizing beat down and send the locals back to their trailer parks for some good ole fashioned wife beatin….
Houston -9.5 vs. Memphis: When I heard about this match-up, my first question was what school in the FBS resides in the most crime-riddled, gamey, polluted, corrupt cess-pool in this Fowl Land? Well - given that Saint Louis doesn’t have a D1 program, I’ll give the nod to Mempiss. Anyway, the Cougs stay unbeaten in front of 5,000 PBR-addled fans in BBVA Compass Stadium. Do they have a tarp of shame for the upper deck??
4 Star Picks
Troy -16.5 @ Georgia St: The Panzers continue their dreary tour of getting ass-reamed by teams from Alabama this week (Fun Gonzo Factoid! GSU plays 5 teams from the Tornado Magnet State this year). After witnessing another massacre, the majority of the 287 Ga State phans that braved the trip to the Dome collectively plan how to best avoid eye contact with the cracked-out pan handlers at the 5 point MARTA car station.
Troy -16.5 @ Georgia St: The Panzers continue their dreary tour of getting ass-reamed by teams from Alabama this week (Fun Gonzo Factoid! GSU plays 5 teams from the Tornado Magnet State this year). After witnessing another massacre, the majority of the 287 Ga State phans that braved the trip to the Dome collectively plan how to best avoid eye contact with the cracked-out pan handlers at the 5 point MARTA car station.
Oklahoma -13.5 vs. Tejas: Speaking of ass rapes, Mack Brown has already begun lubing preparations in what looks to be his last Red River Reaming. Sources tell BC Gonzo that Stoops plans to bring out the Gimp and get medieval on that Whorn ass in the Cotton Bowl. And here’s a reality check for the UT folks that think they have a shot at any coach with a pulse – no sane person would want to subject themselves to your overbearing, delusional culture. You might try to thaw out the corpse of David McWilliams when all else fails...
3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks)
Michigan -2.5 @ Perv State: Nothing good should ever happen again to that god-forsaken shit-hole school that harbored kiddie-rapists for 30 years and still has its head in the sand. I hope the place burns. I might rip out the esophagus of the next Penn St fan I encounter. Fuck the Paterno family. I hope the new flesh-eating heroin addiction scourge permeates their campus. I never thought I’d say this… but Go Wolverines!
Stanford –7.5 @ Utah: They say that David Shaw is a clone of Nick Saban. Well – except that he’s black. And he doesn’t have Asperger Syndrome. And he won’t have any statues torn down in the near future. And doesn’t rip the heads off parakeets to fire up his team. Other than that, the comparison is eerie… The Dead Trees roll big in the Land of Bigamy.
Oregon St +1 @ Wash St: Folks in the Palouse thought they saw it all with uber pervert Mike Price and his autistic sons until a certain cross-dressing, wanna-be Buccaneer showed up. While his lunacy has met expectations, the performance of his shitty Cougs has not. Beavers win big in Pullman, and afterwards, Leach announces that his obsession with Teen Wolf has replaced his fascinations with Pirates.
OK For Now…
BC Gonzo
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