Dust Off Your Sanity...

SPANNING THREE DECADES

Together since 1996, with a Phish-like breakup from 2009-2012… Former FWAA members… Huguenots… We’ll be bringing you winning picks, calling out your favorite sports idiots, and an occasional pod cast…

Since we last graced you with our presence, college football has taken some interesting turns. The bloggers have polluted the airwaves and internets with their ignorant rantings, cravings and overall stupidity. We here at GonzoFixer have bit our tongues long enough. So why not jump back into the college football fray, just kidding…  We are back from the black holes, Peruvian jungles, Antarctic ice fishing huts, and we will be ourselves from our old school daze. Why have things gone so horrible wrong while we were on sabbatical??? This isn’t that hard, but of course, the insolence, arrogance, and the “just sayin’” little bitch attitudes of those idiotic mouth breathers somehow keep the Twittering going.

Our number one focus has always been giving you all quality prognostications, and that will hold true. But in terms of how the interweb and Twerps and Faceplace and bloggers have ruined a once promising industry, we can’t allow some things to go unnoticed…

We are your reality check, we are here to get you all back on track, by focusing on the football itself, ignoring the popular speaking points, all the while making sure those nimrods who are paid by networks and two-bit web sites know we are onto their feeble attempts at journalism. We don’t give a shit what a QB from College Station does or if a former soldier is held back or if a 14yr old 5 star takes a crap and there’s a creepy middle aged man there to see if he ate corn for dinner last night…

Who has caused our acid reflux into high gear??? Pretty much everyone who gets unwarranted attention when they simply blow…

I’m not that angry, I’m in a good mood… So let’s play a game, it’s called “Can You Name the Stupid Site or Troglodyte”!! Its real simple: I’ll give you clues; you try to guess who or what we are talking about… Here… we… go!!

1. This site started as a septic tank for clueless wanna-be writers who normally wouldn’t be touched with a 10ft clown pole by any “respected” sports organization. Their whole platform is slideshows & reposts from national sites. Then, as if the rest of the world exploded in one giant “WTF???”, they were asked to be the source for sports news by a national news org who can’t buy a vowel at this point. They love to “Power Rank” and tell you the “Winners & Losers” of every stupid non-story or event in the sports world. It’s as if your 9yr old pretentious nephew got hold of your iPhone and added comments to your photos you took 5 months ago.
2. This numb nut globs a lot of hair gel to not look 40 even though he’s 35. He’s paid(why?) to offer varying opinions on any and every dumb story overblown by his network to get a rise out of the dirt road alumni fans who take every opinion personally. As a former QB, he smirks as others rip his shallow views on “physicality” and nasally Yankee twang accent.
3. This former SEC window licker spent his college daze giving his QB roommate the old reach around. After breaking his neck in the NFL trying to suck his own pecker, he now wears thrift store suits and denies he has AIDS.
4. “GRIDLOCK!!!” I’m a fucking clown who wears makeup and is let out of my cage for 3 hours every Saturday morning to act like an imbecile and bring joy to hapless idiots
5. Our school almost got to the national Championship game but came up 5 yards short. We shudda won that game, despite giving up 350 yards rushing and numerous penalties for being undisciplined and addicted to the reefer. Now our fans can’t seem to stop whining about how close we came and have an ample supply of excuses as to why our white trash supporters piss & shit and throw garbage all over lour campus on game day.
6. Frick & Frack getting told which side of an argument to be on as they trudge through an agonizing wrap up of the day’s football action. No one ever points out the fact that they both pick less than 30% yet are considered “experts”. But that Four Letter Sports Channel thinks you all are all brain dead hicks and forces their shtick upon you and you all sit there and take it like you’re in a prison shower.
7. This may be generalized group, but I’ll say that any gutless turd who sits back and writes the predictable piece on any of the popular topics, like the NCAA being dipshits, or how a particular player has been unnecessarily ridiculed, or plays the race card, or purposely rails on a coach or team bc he’s a homer. They are the worst forms of life, period.