BC Gonzo Pix of the Week: Lucky Week 13

BC Gonzo Pix of the Week

Lucky Week 13 aka “Weak of Valtrex”

A part of me dies this week.  After 12 years of non-stop, moronic, juvenile cracks about Frank Beamer’s Neck Herpes, his tenure in the Gonzo Pix of the Week comes to a festering end this week.  I always thought that was the gift that keeps giving, but alas, all glory is fleeting. But I do Give Thanks for those wonderful years, and I will give Frank and the Hokies the Honorary Platinum Pick this week to send him off….

Fornit Some Fornus!

   Sloth and Coach Beamer - separated at birth?

5 Star Platinum Pick:

Va Tech -3.5 @ Virginia: It should be noted that my continuous, snarky bits about the ghastly herpes scar on Beamer’s Ass-Neck earned a young Gonzo his first death threats from irate Gobbler fans.  Alabama fans - who were none too amused with my tired references to Brian-Dennehy Stadium - soon followed….  In any case, some things are inevitable – such as herpes outbreaks at the most inopportune times and the annual crushing of the Cavaliers.  VPI romps in Rape Country….

5 Star Picks:

Ohio $t +1 @ Michigan: The idiots in the media refer to the upcoming battles between these 2 nut job coaches as the Next Ten Year War. Some sportsbooks are already taking future bets on the series. However, when I open my off-shore sports book in Costa Rica, I’m going to set an over/under on the number of years one these 2 loonies will check himself into a Nervous Hospital. We’ll say 3.5, so who you got?  

Boise St -7.5 @ San Jose St: The Buckin’ Broncos enjoyed their 15 minutes, but now that Chris Peterson has taken his wacky, Scientology beliefs to Coffee Land, Boise will now revert back to being known for rotten potatoes and Ralph Wiggum.  By the way, what did the hooker say to the potato? “Idaho!”  Boise makes quick work of the Sparties.      

                 

4 Star Picks:

Florida $t -2 @ Florida: Jimbo Fischer and Jim McElwain are the results of too much inbreeding in the Saban Coaching Tree.  Either that or Papa Nick dropped both of these goons repeatedly on their heads in their early coaching daze.  This week, the window-licking rube from Tallahassee gets the upper hand.  Wayne Peace must be rollin’ over in his grave…  

Mi$$i$$ippi -1 @ M$U: Speaking of despicable hayseed coaches, Hugh Freeze (aka, “The Human Rake”) might not have pedigree, but he still has loads of cash from steering Michael Oher to the Black Bears during his high school coaching daze.  I’m not saying his buck teeth are bad, but he could eat corn on the cob through a chain link fence…  

3 Star Picks (shits and giggles picks):

Duke -4 vs. Wake Forest: The Skoal Bowl in dreary Winston-Salem will host a sparse crowd that would frankly be more interested in watching a “Legends” one-on-one match-up between a morbidly obese Rodney Rogers versus a coked-up J.J. Redick.  Duke rolls but does it really matter?  

Northwestern -3.5 vs. Illinois: The annual battle for the Land of Lincoln moves from Champagne Supernova to Soldier Field this year.  I’ll call for the Mildkats to take back the rivalry trophy, which – oddly enough – is a replica of the cane used in “Citizen Kane”.  Very bizarre…

Ok For Now…..

BC Gonzo